Thursday, January 13, 2011

Goodbye Tigger

I hate myself. I hate myself because I'm one of those people--you know, the kind who love my pets conditionally. I've been battling Tigger ever since the wood floors were installed a month ago over who's in charge at this house. Tigger didn't want new floors. Tigger didn't like the change. Tigger peed on all the rugs, carpet, anything he could pee on.

I sit here crying because I hate myself for taking away Bianca's best friend and leaving him in a cold, sterile place where the sound of dogs fighting permeates through slivers of doors. I hate myself for signing all the papers, paying $25 even, and then telling the guy across the counter what a good boy he is. I hate myself for sitting here crying over this stupid dog that I've never even liked, who stunk, that I would nudge away when he would settle his warm body on my lap. I hate myself for checking The Humane Society's web site to make sure they're marketing him correctly. Because I want to make sure someone adopts him and knows that he likes to chew only on The Dog toys (pups) from McDonald's Happy Meals we used to buy on ebay so that he could chew the eyes off, then the collar, then each ear, the leather nose, the stuffing, until it was a little scrap of fabric that could FINALLY be tossed into the garbage. I left a full bag of brand-new pups with him at The Humane Society and the blanket Bianca sewed him. I want him to find a new family. I want him to be happy. I guess I proved who's in charge, but I hate myself for it.


rachel said...

Oh Jeana, I'm so sorry!!! Please don't hate yourself. You couldn't live with that happening any more. I love that you left him with all of his little toy pups he loves so much. You love him, I've always known that, but the situation just got too tough.

When we had to live in my parents' basement when Tony went back to school, we tried to find our cat a home and just didn't have any luck. We finally had to give her to the Humane Society. In all fairness, I could have kept her but the quarters were too close and I didn't want a cat box in our living room and when she got stressed she would shred everything. Well, she shredded everything. I remember the night before knowing there was no other way and praying she would get a good home. I cried over that cat for a long time.

I love you. Hang in there!!

Erin said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. That must be so hard on you and your family. I'm sure he will get a good home, but I know how much you all liked him. Hugs.

Cherry's said...

Feeling your pain Jeana. A couple of years ago we were going through a very personal tragedy that most people didn't know about. We thought a puppy might help things. We'll it did, except for 3 months later she was still having accidents in the house everday. It was more than I could handle. It was such a tough decision because my boys loved Sally. It was their dream come true to have a dog. We found a great home for her, but when it came right down to it, I couldn't be there when the new owners came to pick her up. I went away and cried and when I got home I was better equipped to handle my kids tears. Kudos to you for knowing your limits! It will get better. I promise. Ocasionally we come across a picture of Sally and the boys say how much they miss her and then they are on their way to the next activity. Hang in there!

Crystal said...

Jeana, you sound a lot like me. When I took one of our cats to the humane society after a 4 yr long battle (that included us completely re-carpeting twice and once laying pergo in the front room in efforts to get rid of the urine smell and stop the peeing so we could keep them) I took an extra 2 pages that I'd prewritten of her life story and everything I could write about her personality and likes and dislikes because I knew that small sheet they handed me wouldn't be enough room. I took them her favorite food and her favorite cat toys too. I sat in their little lobby for almost an hour and just cried before I could hand her over. And honestly, it sounds dramatic, but to this day I still replay that moment when we handed them the cat carrier and she made eye contact with me as they took her through the doors and it makes me physically ill.

I love my animals like family and it broke my heart to have to get rid of them. I think we went to extreme measures over the 4 yrs we had them in this house to be able to keep them and stop their urinating. But after so long and they don't stop, you have to draw the line. It's very sad, but it has to be done sometimes. Sometimes your financial investments and quality of life have to be protected too.

Tigger is off on a great adventure. I know it probably won't help, but don't hate yourself. He will adjust to a new life.