It's taken me weeks to finally write this...

as my heart was so bruised over the whole situation. And then the Sandy Hook elementary school shootings happened and it made my heart even more tender. But I think I'm finally ready to admit what happened and to preface it by saying that I'm so grateful and lucky to have Portia. Don't get me wrong--I'm so lucky to have Bianca too, but this little story is one that had my head reeling with thoughts of losing Portia.

It all started at cello lessons. Portia has a hard time remembering to keep her feet planted firmly on the ground when she plays. Her teacher pulled out two quarters and put them under her heels and said if he didn't see those quarters for the rest of the lesson, she could keep them. Since that lesson, she would ask me to put coins under her heels during cello practice with the same agreement. I didn't mind it. And she started collecting her money until she had a dollar and then kept begging me to take her to the dollar store so she could buy something. 

We had some time in South Jordan and I needed to pick up a book from the library there (Sorry, Highland City but your library isn't up to par) and I told Portia that we could stop at the Dollar Store over there by the library as well. As we were pulling into the parking lot, I asked Portia which she wanted to do first--the dollar store or the library--and she replied the dollar store. I was getting off the phone with Eric, asking about where the cheapest place to buy gas around his work was, when I parked the car right in front of the Dollar Tree. Bianca jumped out and made a mad-dash for the dollar store. (Kids love the dollar store--not sure why but I think it's because it's easier to persuade me to get them something when everything's so dang cheap.) Portia was getting out too and as she was, I jumped out of the car to hold the door so that it wouldn't ding the car next to us. She went to the sidewalk and I had to grab my purse and lock up the car. When I entered the Dollar Store, Bianca was studying some cozy socks near the front. She told me that Portia never came in. Of course she did, I said, and we started to go through the aisles trying to find her so I could prove Bianca wrong and that she could get to the toy aisle to finish up business so we could move on to the next thing on our to-do list. 

After three times through the store and a check of the bathrooms, I started panicking. Then I checked the stores next door--a dance studio and a mattress store. And I began to wonder, could someone have snatched Portia in the short, distracted time I was turning off the phone and grabbing my purse from the car? When I asked the cashiers about a missing little girl, they were not helpful. Just a shrug, a no, and they continued checking everyone out. I called Eric (he said he'd come right over from work) and then I called the police. In eleven years of motherhood, I've never had to do this. Never. I can't remember what I said, just something about not being able to find my child and I just didn't know what to do. The police came and there were officers everywhere. The woman police officer I was following around said her entire force was there, about 10 officers, all looking for Portia. Then I was the tear-streaked crazy mother following behind her, going from store to store, searching frantically. I know what all those people were thinking and it drove me mad that there I was, someone who prided myself on being a good mom, and being looked at with scorn as people thought, "You can't even watch your own kid?"

Eric and Bianca were now going to Menchie's (another of my kids' favorites) and Harmon's and everywhere along this very long strip mall. I just couldn't believe Portia would venture out there on her own. I pictured her stuffed into some strange car and couldn't fathom the myriad things that could be happening to my baby. I began to break down, not being able to see where this was going to end. 

And that's when my police officer said, "We think we found her." She put me in the back of her cop car (a first for me) and we drove to the library, all the way at the end of the strip mall. I think it's at least a good quarter mile from the Dollar Store with at least two through streets. And that's where we found Portia--hanging out with a police officer there, looking not so upset at all. It's funny how you can want to hug and kiss your child, while simultaneously want to beat her for putting you through such a heart-wrenching half hour. And what was she thinking, walking all that way by herself?!?  She informed me that she did let the librarian know she couldn't find her mom, but what good is a loudspeaker through a library when your mom is a quarter mile away frantically searching the aisles of the dollar store? Eric and I joke that Portia has a built-in compass, something neither Bianca nor I were blessed with, and maybe she's a little too independent knowing exactly where she was going. But didn't she say the dollar store first? Aghhhh!

At the end of it all, I have never been so relieved to have Portia with me. We ended up having to reschedule cello lessons that night to an hour later and I found it ironic that here we were, going full circle--ending right back where we started, at cello lessons. 

At least there was a happy ending. And we had a nice long talk on staying together. Always. Even if we think we know where we're going.

I just can't stop...

I blame pinterest. Too many ideas. I just can't leave my Christmas tree alone. I've been consumed by it. I keep adding something here or there. First it was the little brown owls and pinecones I already had leftover from my Thanksgiving decorations. Then the big snowy maribou owls I found at Taipan Trading. 

Then I went to IKEA and got some lanterns so I can replicate the big fabulous already-decorated tree I love at Taipan. Then I got these awesome little crystal chandelier ornaments there too. And I hung a chandelier over the bird's nest in the lantern. I LOVE this!

And oh my gosh, I love these birdhouse lights from Target. It fit with my bird and owl theme perfectly.

And I just can't stop. I cannot walk into Taipan again (UNTIL after Christmas for the after-Christmas sales, of course.)

But I LOVE my tree, even if it is a little overdone.

I realized as I was getting my girls ready for church yesterday that their dresses matched my tree's blue and red color scheme. See, I'm obsessed with my Christmas tree! (I can't believe this is Portia's Christmas dress from two years ago and it seems to still fit her just fine.) 

I'm pretty sure I just need to leave the poor Christmas tree alone. Maybe if I sit far enough away from it, I will stop tweaking and re-adjusting the ornaments as well. 

St. Nicholas Day

Dec. 6 is St. Nicholas Day. I guess not many people celebrate St. Nicholas Day, but we always did when we were kids. Maybe it's from my mom's German heritage, as it is still celebrated in Europe. It's based on the Saint Nicholas who is the model for our modern day Santa Claus. This was a real saint who had a reputation as a "bringer of gifts." Before you go to bed, you're supposed to leave out shoes by the chimney or by your door and they're supposed to be filled with sweet treats when you awaken.

This is a tradition that I've tried to continue with my family. I know Christmas is already a lot of work, but I like this little mini celebration to get things started. This morning, Bianca and Portia awoke to a new pair of slippers with some of their favorite candy.

It wasn't much, but I love the little squeal of excitement and the happy footsteps thunking around the house after they find their treats. And I like to hold on to the traditions that were special to me, in hopes that my children will continue to pass it along.

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

Oh what fun!

Eric and I have been using the same decorations (burgundy and gold) for our Christmas tree since we were newlyweds. Last year, we had decided we were going to mix things up and try out a new color scheme. So when ornaments were 75 percent off at the after-Christmas sale, we bought turquoise and silver stuff and put it away until this year.

This does seem to be the year of change, so I guess it's apropos that we have a new Christmas tree. It's amazing, though, how well this tree's color scheme works in the library. To add a pop of color, I wanted to add red so I picked up some poinsettia clusters. I tried to lattice-tie the ribbon, which is experimental and harder than it looked and I'm unsure if I'll do it again next year. I'm kind of proud of my tree, although it's far from perfect. And I love the turquoise, silver and red color scheme!

I added things I had around the house that would enhance the bird ornaments, like the ceramic birdhouse (above), bird nests (see photo just below) and the birdcage and cuckoo clock (see next below).

I'm thinking, though, that I'd really like a taller tree in this room. I'm going to be scouring the stores after Christmas this year for a 12-foot flocked tree.

In the midst of all this Christmas fun, there is my constant dose of imperfection. Because the gas fireplace wasn't working, we had to pull out the old gas insert, which broke the tiles, and then we started retiling with these awesome vintage-looking tiles. But it's a work-in-progress and works-in-progress don't seem to care about things like Christmas seasons. Oh well, at least there's a working fireplace. And after all, I think the fire is more important than the surround. I'm considering buying some garland just to frame the backer board around the insert for this year. I'm still working hard to embrace the perfection amongst the imperfection.

But back to the tree, I'm feeling like the ornaments are a little sparse. Should I add some more brown? I have some brown owls leftover from Thanksgiving and some pinecones. Would that be too much? Or distracting? Or I was thinking snowy owls might be pretty. I suppose the tree is still a work-in-progress as well. I'll try not to let all that get in the way of a perfectly wonderful holiday season.

Reflecting back on the fall...when I should have posted this blog

I think awards for the Reflections contest at school was in November. I can't even remember it was so long ago. But Bianca won a first-place award for her piano composition, and Portia won a third-place award for a picture she drew of the outdoors.

At Westfield, they give out these trophies. Portia slept with hers by her bedside for a good couple of months.

I always encourage my kids to at least enter one category in Reflections.

Playing Piano

We went the summer without a piano. I didn't realize how much I'd miss it. But when I'm stressed (and I was a lot this summer) sitting down on the bench and methodically working my way through a calming piece really helps my nerves. I didn't have that outlet. My kids couldn't practice. I missed the sound of plunking chords and measures of new compositions ringing through the house and instead had to settle for the discordant sound of drilling and hammering. Not good for the nerves. Wow, I sound like some old Austen-esque fuddy duddy, don't I? Maybe I should call it a pianoforte?

When the piano was finally delivered--and I kept a sheet over it while it wasn't being played during the last of the construction--it was all worth it. We had sold our upright Samick and got a baby grand. The notes ring like bells. I never thought I'd have a Steinway. When I saw this refinished Chippendale Steinway (circa late 70's which is when our house was built, and incidentally follows suit with my mom's Steinway nearly matching the building date of her old Victorian house although I didn't do it consciously), I knew it would fit perfectly in our new house. I love having a designated music room, that has doors that close--not that we' ever want to keep out the music, maybe the other way around.

We didn't do a lot of remodeling to this room, just added the new updated radiator covers and did some trim work on the ceiling. This ceiling was inspired by a restaurant where we ate in Victoria BC back in May. And of course, we replaced the light fixture. I love how the chandelier hangs right over the music so that there's no need for a lamp. We left the shelf that goes all the way around the room (despite what the designer suggested) because I thought it would be fun to put up decorative musical instruments and books. I have more to do, like curtains and artwork for the walls, but this stuff takes time.

This all brings me to the real reason for writing this. Bianca had her first piano recital since moving to Highland. After the piano was delivered, I needed to find a new piano teacher for Bianca. Luckily, we found someone who is going to work beautifully and it happened very fast. In fact, in more ways than one, I feel like we won the "piano lottery." Bianca's lessons just started at the beginning of October and here we are at the beginning of November, having her first recital. She played Chopin's Prelude, Op 28 No. 6, which is a gorgeous piece. If you want to see it, here it is:

My Dream, My Library

Oh, the library. The reason we bought a new home was that it had the bones to house the two-story library I'd always dreamed of. For years, I've imagined the library I would someday have. I have a manilla folder filled with ripped-out pages of libraries I liked (now I have a pinterest board as well) and bookshelves that would do. It was a dream I kept tucked away and decided that since it would be a while before I could have a real library, I would work on getting the books I would need to fill such a library. And then my dream came true.

Here is the room before we got to work:

And six grueling months later, my library is just about complete. The furniture is a work-in-progress and I'm temporarily using my husband's sectional that we're going to put in the theater room once the detached garage is finished. Then I want to buy some big overstuffed chairs. But enough of what I will do, I want to enjoy my library now. We pulled out the existing bookshelves above the spiral staircase  in the loft and then added more below as well.

I loved the original antique fireplace mantel, although we may still have to replace the old gas insert that doesn't work very well.

I bought these antique corbels off ebay and we stained them to match the wood in the library. I think they probably came off some old house exterior. It just soaked up the stain. We also added wrought iron spindles between the wooden because the railings were far from up to code.

Here are the other two Corinthian columns that I bought off a woman secondhand. They look great in our bedroom but I think also add a grand touch to the library entrance off the foyer.

I love that I can walk out my bedroom door on the second floor and see straight into my library every morning.

And I love the tin ceiling and beams. To me, it's everything a library should be.

I bought an antique table secondhand so that we'd have a homework table in the library as well as making it easier to serve food when I host book club. (And check out those awesome radiator covers and how the carpenter worked them into the bookshelves and the bench under the window. I love how those turned out!)

I've spent the last week dragging box after box up from the storage area and alphabetizing and categorizing my books exactly as I want them. I was starting to worry that maybe we didn't build enough space for all our books. But it turns out there's enough (although there are a few boxes still missing). I LOVE displaying the covers of books (it IS called cover "art" after all) to take up more space and then I can fill it as I go. I put contemporary fiction above on the loft and then categorized by genre on the bottom, such as Shakespeare, drama, poetry, memoirs, and my favorite, my illustrators. Here is my Hugh Thomson collection. Aren't the covers amazing?

As you can see from the window, it's snowing today. If only the fireplace would work, this just might be the best moment of my life.